One night, I got home while my wife was serving dinner. As I took her hand, I told her we need to talk. She sat next to me and we continue to eat quietly. She was hurt, I could tell by the look in her eyes. I couldn`t talk but I had to tell her that I was thinking of a divorce. As I said it, she didn’t react in any way, she just asked me why?
I didn`t answer which made her angry. She threw away the fork and knife, yelling that I was not a man enough to tell her the truth. We didn`t talk at all that night, she just continued weeping in the bed, wandering what happened to us, to our marriage. The problem was that I didn`t know what to say and not hurt her more. I just stopped loving her, that was it, and fell in love with Jane.
The next day, with an incredible guild, I made a draft of the divorce agreement, giving her the house, the car and 30% of the company I built. When I gave her the papers, she just tore them into pieces. The women I was looking at in this moment, the woman I have spent 10 years with, in good and bad, now looked like some stranger to me. I felt sorry for her, I wanted to take back everything I`ve said to her before but it would have been a lie because I really did love her once. As she started crying, the idea of divorce which preoccupied me for few weeks, became clearer. The day after, I came from work very late, and noticed her writing something. I didn’t care enough to ask what she was writing, so I went to straight to bed without dinner because I was very tired from the afternoon with Jane. In the morning, when I got up she presented me her conditions of the divorce: she needed only a month`s notice and nothing else, nothing material. In that month we were suppose to live as before (as normal as possible). She explained her reasons- in the next month our son was having his exams, so she didn`t want to upset him with this problem.
It seemed reasonable so I agreed. But that was not it, she had another request, which seemed like she was going crazy. She asked me to carry her out of the bedroom, on my hands, to the front door every morning for the next month, the same way I carried her into the bedroom on our wedding night. I didn`t want to argue, so I accepted this request as well.
Jane knew all about this. When I told her she laughed and said that my wife had to face the divorce, despite her little tricks.
I haven`t had any body contact with my wife since the day I told her I want a divorce, so imagine how clumsy we looked the first time I lifted her up to carry her to the front door. Our son saw us and started cheering, which made me feel some kind of pain. As I walked the 10 meters to the front door with her in my arms, she just said softly not to tell our son about the divorce and went to take the bus for work.
The next day was easier. As she leaned on my chest, I noticed her perfume, the fine wrinkles on her face and the gray hair. I haven`t looked at her closely for so long, that I didn`t notice that she was getting old and the effects our marriage had on her.
The fourth day, as I picked her up, I felt some familiar sense of intimacy, which continued growing the following days. I said nothing about this to her. Maybe it`s because I became physically stronger, but it became easier to carry her as the days passed by.
One morning I saw her picking her clothes for that day. She could not find any appropriate dress, because all the dressed she had were now too big for her. In that moment I realized that I was able to carry her easily because she got thinner.
It was from the pain she was keeping in her heart, while smiling from the outside for our son`s sake. This hit me so hard that I touched her head, without even thinking.
In that moment, our son came in the bedroom and told me it was time to carry mom out, because this became a normal everyday routine for him. As she hugged him tightly, I turned away my face, I was afraid I would change my mind. Then I lifted her and carried her to the hallway, as her hands surrounded me so naturally. In that moment I felt like on the day we got married.
But I felt sad for her weight loss. On the 30th day, as I picked her up, I felt like I couldn`t move at all. Before putting her down I just said to her how I didn`t notice for a long time our life lacked intimacy, then immediately drove to work. Without locking the car door, I went into Jane`s office and told her that I don`t want to get divorce. She thought I was joking, or that I had a fever. But I explained how I realized that my marriage was getting boring not because we didn`t love each other, but because I stopped valuing the little things from our life. As we promised on our wedding day, we were supposed to hold each other until death do us part. Jane was so shocked she slapped me hard and burst into tears slamming the office door. I drove back home, stopping only at a corner flower shop to order a big bouquet for my wife. When the salesgirl asked me what to write on the card, I said: “I will carry you every morning until death do us part.”
When I returned home with the flowers, smiling, I went upstairs, only to find her lying on the bed, dead! For the last few months, she was fighting cancer, and I didn`t notice anything because I was so busy with Jane. She knew her end is near, and the divorce will only create tension between me and our son, so she wanted to spare both of us from negative feelings and reactions. This way, she created an image of a loving husband in the eyes of our son.
Cherish every little thing in your relationship, this is what`s really important in life. Not the money, or the house, or the car. Material things cannot bring happiness or health.
Think about this, find some time to spend with your spouse/partner and strengthen the intimacy between you. Only this way you can have satisfying marriage or relationship.
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